The Power You Give Away Without Knowing It

Most people don’t realize it, but every engagement involves a power dynamic, no matter how big or small. It’s not always loud or obvious. Most of the time, it’s subtle. But it’s always there.

When you meet someone, you do one of two things, often without realizing it. You’re either handing them a remote control or giving them a user manual.

What do I mean by that?
The remote control means you’re saying, “Here you go—tell me how you want me to behave.” You’re letting the other person direct how the interaction unfolds. 

You’re giving away your agency.

But the user manual? That’s you saying, “This is how I operate. These are my boundaries. These are my terms.” 

And if we’re being honest, most people would prefer clarity and consistency over control. We admire people who show up with a manual, not a remote.

Three Ways People Give Away Their Power

Over the years, I’ve noticed a few common ways people unintentionally hand over their power:

1. Saying “sorry” too often
   If you’re constantly apologizing, you’re putting yourself in a position of weakness—even when there’s nothing to be sorry for. 

Instead, say “excuse me” when you need space or attention. Reserve your apologies for when you truly mean them. 

Over-apologizing just tells the world you’re unsure of your place.

2. Calling people “sir”
   The moment you call someone “sir,” you place them on a pedestal. You signal that they’re above you. I don’t do that. 

Everyone I meet is either a brother or a sister. I greet people with, “Hello brother, how are you?” or “Hello sister, how are you?” It’s not just a phrase—it’s a mindset. 

It creates a space without superiority or inferiority, just mutual respect.

3. Labeling things “expensive”
   When you say something is expensive, you’re placing it out of reach. You’re telling yourself, “That’s not for me.” I used to do this with business-class flights. 

As a kid, economy was all I knew, and that’s fine. But as I grew older, I had to change my language and mindset. 

I started to see it as accessible, even normal, for the life I was building. I upgraded my user manual.

Time to Break the Remote

Next time you’re about to interact with someone, pause. Ask yourself: Am I handing over a remote control or sharing a user manual?

Because here’s the truth: no one respects someone who gives away their power. Not in the long run.

How you show up—the tone of your voice, your body language, your words—all of it matters. Subtle cues shape relationships more than we think.

So stop giving people the remote. Start showing up with your user manual.

Note: This blog post is an adaptation of the transcript from the video below.