We All Have Shadows in Our Psyches and Personality Constructs – Do You Know What Yours Are?

Shadows are the parts of ourselves we’ve disowned.

If you tell someone they have a shadow, especially when they don’t know what that means, the reaction is rarely calm curiosity. It’s surprise, anger, or “How dare you?”

A few years ago, I met some incredible people, and one of the ladies that I met was vehemently angry about Instagram influencers. “They’re disgusting. I hate them,” she said. I told her that was a shadow.

She was understandably perturbed. I realised I hadn’t approached it in the right way. But what I meant was this: she had disowned her own ability to positively influence through social media because she was so focused on what she perceived as its negative use.

Social media, like anything, can be used for good or for harm.

What are the Two Types of Shadows?

We tend to think shadows are only the dark traits we dislike. But there are two kinds.

The first is when we disdain someone. We hate their arrogance, their flamboyance, their hunger for attention, their sexuality, or their wealth. If something triggers us deeply, chances are we’ve disowned that trait in ourselves.

The second is more subtle. It’s when we put someone on a pedestal. We say, “They’re so amazing. I could never be like them.” That too is a shadow. When I elevate someone to an unreachable height, I disown that quality within myself.

How Do We Create Cultural Shadows?

We don’t wake up one day and decide to fragment ourselves. It happens slowly. We’re shaped by society, religion, family structures, and culture.

Some cultures say, don’t show off, don’t be too big for your boots; some say sex is shameful, and some say money is for bad people.

Over time, these messages create cultural shadows inside our psyches. We suppress parts of ourselves to belong. Then we either disdain those traits in others or worship them from a distance.

A Personal Practice

My practice is simple. I try not to let anything trigger me so deeply that I say, “I hate that.”

Because the moment I do, I know I’ve disowned something.

And I try not to elevate anyone so high that I say, “I could never be like them.”

Because that, too, is disowning.

The Energy Locked Inside Your Shadow

Ask yourself, what do you love so much in others that you believe you could never embody it? What do you hate so much in others that it triggers an emotional charge?

Then ask what those traits mean for you.

Because once you unearth them, once you incorporate them, something shifts. There’s a surge of energy. A surge of access to creativity, innovation, and information.

When you agree to accept and integrate every aspect of your personality, you unlock a fuller version of yourself.

The shadow isn’t there to shame you. It’s there to show you where your power is hiding.

Key Takeaways

Shadows are the parts of ourselves we’ve disowned or suppressed.

There are two types of shadows: disdain for others’ traits and putting people on pedestals.

Cultural messages shape the shadows we create within ourselves over time.

Integrating our disowned traits can unlock a surge of energy, creativity, and power.

The shadow is not there to shame, but to show us where our true potential lies.

FAQ

Q: What are the two types of shadows?

A: The first type of shadow is when we disdain someone for traits we’ve disowned in ourselves. The second is when we put someone on a pedestal, disowning those qualities within ourselves.

Q: How do cultural messages create shadows within us?

A: Over time, messages from society, religion, family, and culture teach us to suppress certain parts of ourselves in order to belong. This creates shadows, where we then either disdain those traits in others or worship them from a distance.

Q: What can I do to work with my own shadows?

Start by noticing what triggers you. If something stirs such a strong reaction that you find yourself saying, “I hate that,” pause. That reaction may be pointing to a trait you’ve disowned in yourself.

Then notice when you elevate someone so high that you say, “I could never be like them.” That may reveal a quality within you that you’ve placed out of reach instead of integrating.

Note: This blog post is an adaptation of the transcript from the video below.